Don't Look At Me
by Maggie Ann
Summary: This a story of Ron. He knows in his heart that he loves hermione but he knows she deseves better. ROn tries to better himself through self injury. Can he better himself this way or just make it worse?
1. His Secret Life

Don't Look At Me.

This a story of self injury and self hatred. Please if you find anything in this story triggering click back and get away.

Disclaimer: I do not own any place, things or charaters in this story. If I did I would have a better laptop and an amazing house.

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"Ronald get down here! She'll be here any minute!!" I heard my mother's voice scream up the stairs.

Hermione's parents were on their summer holiday in France again so they are sending her to us. We got an owl from Dumbledore telling us we will get Harry in a few more weeks for reasons, "not disclosed." whatever that old man means I'm not sure. But we still get Hermione!

"Ronald, hurry!"

"Coming Mum!"

One last look around my room, everything looks tidy enough.

One more look in the mirror gosh gag I will never look good, and I run down the stairs taking them two at a time. As I enter the kitchen I see Percy giving Hermione a shy hug, Bill next leave it to him to save the damsel in distress. Charlie putting a arm on Bills back leading him away, giving her a small hug. Before she could breathe George and Fred coming in at her sides for a "Hermione sandwich" each ending the hug with a kiss on her blushing cheeks. Ginny the only girl in the Weasley kids giving Hermione a much needed testosterone break, dad coming to her and embracing her as if she were his own, fatherly, loving and great fondness for the bushy-haired girl. Mum next pulling her in for a bone crushing hug and holding her at arms length inspecting her from top to bottom, shaking her head and clicking her tongue,

" A little peaky and much too thin. You are just in time for some of your favorite chicken and spuds."

At last Charlie takes Hermione's bags and take them upstairs. My family spreads out and sits at the table waiting for the finishing touches on dinner. There she was, the most beautiful girl in the world, we lock eyes and stare at each other as if we hadn't seen the other in 10 years.

It is my turn to hold her, smell her, speak to her. Let my dreams become a reality.

"Hermione!" I whispered, but she must have heard me. Her emotionless face lit up and a wide smile broke out. I held out my arms for her she walked towards me in almost a dreamlike state. I wrapped my arms around her and I let out a dry chuckle, where did that come from?

She is the only one that can make me do this, I close my eyes and take in a deep breathe of her scent, one of old parchment and dittany, I was in euphoria and I couldn't help myself. I pick her up in a hug and twirl her around once in the air and when her feet touch solid ground her fit of giggles begin to subside. Our eyes met one more and our smiles faded and our hands slowly feel limp to our sides.

"Hermione come sit down dear, dinner's ready" mum called as she sat the plate of chicken in the center of the table.

My right had instinctively fell to the small of her back guiding her to the set between Ginny and I.

The small chatter around the kitchen was annoying to say the least but I guess I will get my turn to be alone, and my time to be alone with Hermione. Ginny and Hermione were busy catching up so I grabbed a plate and filled it with a chicken breast, spuds and gravy, and some carrots, put the plate in front of Hermione she said thank you without looking at me.

I grabbed my plate from in front of me looked for the smallest piece of chicken as I was putting the chicken on my plate Hermione's leg brushed against mine, with the sudden contact between us I shivered so hard that I dropped the piece into the gravy bowl, which in turn caused the gravy to splash and spill all over Hermione.

I looked over at her, it was everywhere, all down her front, in her lap, in her hair, on her face, everywhere in short. With me being the dense git that I am I jumped up immediately to her aid. Forgetting my napkin and the fact that I am a wizard and I am in a room full of wizards, I used my bare hands to clean off any gravy in my reach. Putting the palms of my hands on each side of her face I used my thumbs to wipe it off her cheeks and eyelashes. Merlin her skin is so soft. And her cheeks are gently kissed with small freckles.

_"Now is not the time to admire her skin and freckles, you nutter!"_ the little voice in my head yelled. I moved my hand through her hair only caking it further into her scalp, _"Not helping you, twit!!" _the voice reminded me again.

"Ronald! Sit down I'll get the rest and then Hermione go upstairs and take a shower straight away. Come here dear, turn around. I think that is about as good as I can get it. Now scoot upstairs and hurry so your dinner won't get to cold." Mum turned back to her seat.

As I continued to mumble my apologies Hermione reached over using her thumb she swabbed a missed drop of gravy from my cheek, gave me a smile I had never seen before, without taking her eyes off me she licked the gravy off her thumb and ran off to the stairs.

"Nice going you git!" laughed Fred.

I shot a look of humiliation around the table. After a few awkward moments everyone went back to their meals. I continued playing with the food on my plate, every now and then picking up my spoon full of mashed spuds and performing a quick disappearing charm, a charm I had perfected over the past few months at school. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, practicing the incantation "evanish esca" in the corridors, lying in bed, every spare moment.

I had learned how to make it more convincing after being caught by Harry three times in the first two weeks, but by the time I was through racking my brain for a lie, any lie I convinced him that Draco was putting the charm on my food to mess with me. To satisfy my mum I swallowed some spuds and carrots but no matter how guilty I felt I couldn't swallow the chicken, it was just too much.

"May I be excused?" I asked looking from dad to mum.

"Yes, but you've hardly eaten." my dad looked concerned, I couldn't lie to him face to face.

" I know dad, I'm not feeling very well. I'm just gonna go outside maybe that will help." I stand up, take my plate empty it into the trash put it in the wash bin, turn around and give one more look at my family laughing and enjoying the night, no one even looking at me. I pull on my shoes and jacket, walk outside into the moonlit yard.

Isn't kind of ironic that I love food, one of the most important things in my world is eating at least 3 large meals a day and now my real intention of coming outside is to walk to our makeshift quidditch pitch at the barrier of our property to stick my finger down my thought.

Ever since I started my new diet this part has always been the worst part for me, I feel ten times more disgusting than I already do. I need to be skinny, I can't gain anymore weight. If I wanna be good at quidditch, I need to loose all of my revolting fat, if I wanna be faster and more precise as keeper than I need to be as thin as paper. Maybe than I will better than Harry and Krum, than maybe Hermione will finally notice me the way she notices Krum and dolts on Harry after each game.

I walk to the fence and stick my finger down my throat as many times as it takes to rid my body of all the repulsive food. It gets in my hair and on my jeans, easily cleaned. Now my routine is getting back on track I walk over to the old willow tree across the yard take a few deep rhythmic breaths, zip up my jacket, pull my sleeves down, pull my hoodie up over my head and begin my run.

I run and run and run and run around the quidditch pitch. Laps and laps, as many as I can get in before mum starts calling for me to come in.

On my 32 lap my breath starts to quicken and my head starts to spin, my body begins to tingle and the sweat is getting in my eyes but this is still not satisfactory I have to get at least 40 laps before I quit so I pick up my pace and just let my mantra repeat in my head,

" You are a looser. You are a looser. You are a looser." After 40 laps were complete there was one more thing I needed to do before I could go in and face my fake facade. My laps end at the old willow, I lean against the old faithful tree and catch my breath.

"You'll never be good enough. You'll never be good enough." I whisper to myself in between breaths.

My eyes closed, imagining Hermione with Victor Krum at the ball, I turn and face the tree. Deep breath and close my eyes,

"He's better than you will EVER be. (punch) You're ugly. (Punch) You're stupid. (Punch) You're boring. (Punch)" I repeat as I collide my fists into the defenseless tree. My eyes finally open and look at my knuckles broken and torn, blood dripping in every crevice flowing to the ground.

"You can't do anything right." I whisper to myself.

I let the blood flow freely, letting the pain of being Ron Weasley drip away. "Just a worthless git." I continue battering myself.

My body falls to the ground the tree holing me up. The tears begin to form in my eyes waiting to fall but I won't let them, it's just another sign of weakness. As the images of Hermione's smile and her flawless face come to my mind I can no longer hold them back.

"You're stupid, useless, worthless, unworthy, horrible, nothing. You are nothing. They all deserve someone better. I could never deserve Hermione." It all became to much, my shoulders shook uncontrollably.

The strength in my body was down to zero, my knees came to my chest and I buried my head in them. I let myself cry, I let the blood dry and crust to my hands.

After several minutes I heard my mum calling for me, my tears stopped and my breath evened out. With my wand at hand I healed my knuckles and cleaned the blood, walked to the back door and took off my jacket and shoes.

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So this is sthe first chapter and I do hope you liked it!

Please review and tell me if you like it, give me some sugestions, whatever you want.

Thanks for reading have a great day!!!


	2. Showers

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the charaters in this story. Jk does.

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The smell of chicken engulfs my senses when I enter the kitchen my stomach gave a lurch, as if it knew that smell was bad, but then a new smell surrounds me. I know that smell, it's like home to me.

My eyes close and I let the new smell entrance me. The smell was of a bookstore and melons in the spring, it was my Hermione.

I turn the corner and find her sitting at the dinner table with a book, passively playing with her food, a finger was twirling a curl in her hair; she was biting her lower lip.

This scene was a regular to me but what she was wearing was so different than the pajamas she wore during school. She was in a baby blue tank top and baby blue pajama pants, she looked so beautiful.

The light coming from the fire in the living room was obtruding into the kitchen, lighting the shadows on her face, there was only one thing wrong, there was one unruly curl obscuring her vision every few minutes, try as she might the curl kept falling behind her ear. What I wouldn't do to push that curl behind her ear. I would do this at night at Hogwarts, just sit and watch her read, I am relaxed and content.

I could imagine doing that for the rest of my life, sitting by the fire on a couch, Hermione in my arms and her reading a book, just holding her, that would be my idea of the "good life."

"Are you gonna play with that or you gonna eat it?" I couldn't help but chuckle at her.

She looked up at me and gave me a grin, one I had seen very few times, on occasions like this in fact, but I still don't know what to really make of it.

She takes her feet off a chair and pulls it out for me. "Well you know me, I really don't like to eat by myself." She kept looking at me, her brown eyes just melted me. "Are you ok? You are sweating and pale." She looked so concerned, what was I to say the truth? Hell no but its 'Mione I can't lie to her.

"Not feelin' too well, but once I get some sleep I'll be fine." She stood up to examine me better.

"Sit down. I'll get a cold towel." she sat me on the chair and walked to the sink.

"Really Mione' I'm fine. I promise." She was wringing out the towel, came bustling toward me and gave me that look that makes me melt, and she knew it.

Her puppy eyes get me every time. "Ronald," she whined "Please, remember all those times I would stay up studying and get sick and you would make me go to Madam Pomfrey. I remember the time I the flu and you stayed with me the whole time, putting a cold compress to my forehead. Please let me take care of you. Please." she wiped my face with the towel, put her lips to my forehead to check for fever.

The world slowed, it vanished there were no one else that mattered. The feeling of her lips on my forehead was ecstasy, there was nothing more pure than the love I felt for her.

Her touch was so intense that my eyes watered with the brief contact that I had waited for, for so long, the breath caught in my throat.

"You are running quite hot," she looked so sad.

The chair beside me became hers and she sat there holding the compress to my forehead, no words were said between us for several minutes, we just looked into each others eyes. Without breaking eye contact I reached up and put my hand on hers, telling her it was ok to let go and go back to her book.

She disagreed, she held firm and put my hand back in my lap.

She looked me up and down, "Ronald you are drenched in sweat. You need a cold shower, run up there now. After your shower, put on some decent clothes, shirt and shorts come on. I'll be up there after you get dressed."

All I could do is look at her, she was her normal bossy self, but she never looked this upset before. Usually I would just tell her I was fine and didn't need anything, but that look in her eyes just made me want to satisfy her in any way I could.

I rolled my eyes at her, "Yes ma'am." I stood up, and started to walk as slow as I could, my only way to defy her.

" Go on, get up there." she smacked my butt with the towel playfully, I turned to look at her, and the way she looked when she laughed like that just made me more dizzy.

"Ron, where have you been? I called for you thirty minutes ago." my mother turned in her chair to look at me.

"I have been sitting in the kitchen with Hermione." I took two steps up the stairs before my father stopped me, "Where you going? Hermione is going to tell me a charming tale about micro-whatsits. You would enjoy it too." my father and his muggle fascination.

"I need a shower, and then I'll be right down dad, I promise."

I loved my father. Every night before we all go to bed we sit around the living room doing our own thing.

Hermione had a chair that when she was here, it was hers. The family decided this after her first visit. It's a fluffy armchair next to the fire she sits and reads in, my father and mother on the couch, mother knitting and father reading the "Nightly Prophet." Fred and George usually in the corner inventing new jokes. Ginny usually sits in the chair by the stairs and plays with Crookshanks. When Charlie and Bill visit, Bill and I usually sit in front of the fire to play wizarding chess and Charlie and Harry, when he's here they sit and visit about Romania and quidditch. That was our holiday routine and if it were any other way it just would be bizarre.

I turned the water on as cold as I could stand it, shredded my clothes off and looked at myself in the mirror.

How could she ever love someone like me, how could she ever look at me and not be revolted by me.

I know that every time I look at myself I feel sick. I get into the shower, it felt so good. The cold water numbed my aches and pains from my vigorous routine. It cleared my mind.

I leaned down and turned off the water climbed out and dried myself off, then tied the towel around myself. "Shit I forgot my clothes." I whispered.

I looked down at my shimmering scars. My knuckles, chest, arms and legs were covered in scars, purple and red, new and old.

The charm I looked up to conceal them washed off in water. And me being the dumbass I am, my wand was down stairs, in the kitchen.

Mentally beating myself, I walk to the door and creak it open, I peak outside, good no one there. I rub my feet on the rug so when I run I won't slip; I take one last peak in the hall before making my way up the stairs to the attic room.

Here goes nothing. I make my break for it, and run without looking back, one last turn and in my room. I slam the door and lean against it, letting out the breath I held for some reason. I turn around and go to my closet to get a pair of pants and a sweater out.

I get changed and head downstairs. As casual as I could muster, I went into the kitchen. My main focus was getting to my wand and performing the spell. There it is I told myself, now to get back to the bathroom, the only room with a locking door.

"Ron you ready for bed? What are you doing in them clothes? I told you shirt and shorts." Hermione stood between me and the stairs in the living room.

"I forgot something in the bathroom, I'm sorry I'll change in a minute ok?" as I passed by her, her hand grasped at my shoulder to stop me.

"I'll wait for you in your room, ok?" I looked at her quizzingly, but in the past 5 years I learned it to be a bad idea to argue with her, so I nodded my head and went to the bathroom, locked the door and took off my sweater, held my wand to my right arm I said the spell to conceal my self inflicted scars.

Once I did this for my legs and chest I walked out and went to my room. As I walked in I found Hermione at my desk, there were books and potions spread across it.

"Well come on, get out of those hot clothes and into your night things." I went to my dresser and pulled out a chudley cannons t-shirt and shorts went to my bed, Hermione's back to me I stripped off my clothes.

Even with the concealment charm on I still felt scared to do this in front of her.

As soon as I was dressed she came over and handed me a potion, "Sit down, please and drink this." she gently pushed me down, and she bent down and put her lips to my forehead again.

"I was sure that shower would bring it down. It feels as if your fever got worse. Here drink up that should help some." The way she took over was intoxicating; she was at her best when she was trying to solve a problem.

She went back to her book and read a little more. She closed the book and put a stopper in the potion bottle, and then she turned back to me with a triumphant look on her face.

"That should do it for now, now come on, lets go sit with your parents before they go to sleep." she came over to me and held out her hand.

Am I dreaming? I reached for her hand, I grasped it tightly, and my heart skipped a beat.

We walked out the door together walking slowly. Fred and George, Shit they are gonna tear the mickey out of me when they see me and Hermione like this, fuck it I don't care. As they passed they were smiling and laughing but when they saw our hands linked together they stopped mid-step with their mouths agape, a small smirk landed on my lips.

We walked into the living room I thought that Hermione would let go and go to her chair but she led me to the couch and since I was new to her leading me around, like this I let her tell me where to sit.

No heads turned, no eyes blinked in our direction till she sat on the floor leaning against the couch pulling me down next to her.

Slowly my father put his paper down, mum her knitting stopped, Charlie and Ginny stopped their conversation and Bill was brought out of his thoughts.

I looked at the embers in the fire slowly dying, waiting for someone to say something but nothing ever came I could feel the five pairs of eyes leave us as Hermione picked up a book and began reading. I loosened my grip on her hand and she just tightened it more, giving it a gentle squeeze I closed my eyes to the pain it caused to my newly healed knuckles, she gave me a look asking if I was ok and I gave her a smile telling her I was fine.

She pulled her knees up to her chest rested her book on them and then leaned against me her head on my shoulder.

I sighed and closed my eyes I was so tired, I needed to go to bed but I don't dare break the much needed contact with Hermione.

So I just settled down and fell asleep.

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Thanks for reading, Please review. Cookies and milk will be rewarded to reviewers!!


	3. Worry

Worried

Disclaimer: i do not own the charaters or places or things in this story. I would love to but I don't.

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"Ron? Ron?" I felt someone shake me and whisper my name but I was too weak, I couldn't open my eyes or answer.

"It's ok Hermione, I'll get him." Bill came over and picked me up in his arms.

"He's awfully light. I was expecting him to much heavier." Bill was used to heavy things he doesn't realize how fat I really am.

He laid me gently in my bed; I forgot how awesome of a brother he really was.

"He is awfully hot," he whispered "He has a high fever," he continued.

"I know he needs to take more of this potion, can you get him to wake up?" I heard Hermione fumble around getting the potion ready.

"Ron? Ron come on you need to take some of this potion, wake up buddy." Bill nudged me awake,

"Huh? What's going on?" I could barley open my eyes,

"Come on Ron. Open your mouth bud, I'll pour some of this in your throat, it'll make you feel better."

Bill sat me up and Hermione poured the potion in my mouth, I swallowed and all I wanted to do was go back to sleep but Hermione was pouring more in my throat,

"Just a little more. Than you can go back to sleep." After it was all gone I laid back down, I could feel a cold compress on my head and knew it was Hermione.

"It's ok Hermione, I'll take it from here, and you need your rest… I promise you can take care of him tomorrow, now go to bed he'll be fine."

She walked back to Bill and gave him a hug and then came to my bed and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek whispering goodnight she left.

Bill grabbed the chair from the corner of the room and sat down next to me, taking the compress off my head and refreshing it, pressing it softly to my cheeks and forehead, a sigh escaped his lips and my eyes budged open, barley.

"I'll be fine Bill go to bed." I whispered, taking almost all the energy I had left.

"Shh, little brother. You're sick, you need your sleep. I'm fine, I'll get my sleep soon." and with that I let myself fall asleep.

The next morning when I opened my eyes, Bill's head was resting on my bed one arm laid over my legs and the other laid in his lap.

I looked around, deciding it was still early ready to go back to sleep, I closed my eyes.

Before I could fall back to sleep and re-live my nightmares I heard the door squeak open, Hermione peaked her head in before coming in all the way, she had a bed tray, a bowl and a cup.

Great breakfast, and if I know Hermione she won't let me outside to run, but I guess I can always go in the bathroom and throw up, just caulk it up to me being sick.

She gave me a bright smile and put the tray on my dresser, she came over and lifted the compress off my head leaned down and laid a tender kiss on me,

"A little better, but you'll have to stay in bed till it comes down." she left me and went to Bill.

She put her hand softly on his back and rubbed back and forth,

"Hey Bill," She spoke in such soft tones, "Hey wake up, and go to bed. I got him now." Bill sat up and looked around.

He put his hand on my head and smiled at me, looked up at Hermione.

"Are you sure? He is a big baby when he's sick." she smiled and laughed.

Hermione and Bill laughed together; the way she interacted with my family was so comforting.

They all just accepted her with open arms.

As he left he looked at us and smiled wide before he walked out of the room.

"Sit up a little; I need to fix your pillows. You need to take this potion and eat some soup. Come on." She was coaxing me to move but I still didn't have the strength.

Her hand gently caressed my cheek, I opened my eyes she was looking at me, a kind smile on her face, I kept my eyes looking at hers it was her that gave me the strength.

She was my source of not only strength but the reason to wake up everyday, I sat up and she never stopped looking in my eyes, with my pillows behind my back to hold me up, she brought my soup over. She and I sat in silence.

"How you feeling Ronald?" my mum came in. Great another potion for me to take.

"How many doses of the potion has he taken?" She asked looking at Hermione.

"Three, so far I was about to give him some more." She said looking through her book of healing methods.

"He should have been better after the first one. But when Bill and I brought him up here it was higher and then Bill gave him more while I was sleeping. Maybe I am making it wrong, Mrs. Weasley." Hermione looked so concerned.

I know Hermione didn't do it wrong, not my Hermione.

"No dear, I'm sure you made it right well if his temperature doesn't go down in a few hours we will take him to St. Mungo's ok? Don't you worry; he'll be fine if you're taking care of him."

She leaned down and gave Hermione a kiss on the forehead. Came over to me and brushed the hair out of my eyes before giving me the same.

"Please try to eat a little more. Then we will try both of these potions. Maybe then you'll start to feel a little better."

After breakfast I went to the bathroom and threw up what I could.

The last thing I needed was to go to St. Mungo's so I pray to Merlin that these potions work.

To appease Hermione, I ate every bite of my lunch.

I will have to run an extra 20 laps for that but anything to get Bill off my ass about eating.

He said I had lost too much weight, I didn't argue.

I laid in bed all day and night, Hermione wouldn't let me get up till it was almost time for bed than she permitted me to go downstairs to sit with her in the living room.

My temperature finally went down a few degrees above normal, so we went to the living room declaring our new spot against the couch just like the night before. We sat down together our finger intertwined, her reading her book and me just being happy sitting with her watching the fire.

The night slowly ended, one by one the family went to bed. Hermione and I were left, alone.

Wordlessly I led Hermione to my mum and dad's places on the couch.

I sat there she leaned against me, her book forgotten on the floor.

My arm fit perfectly around her waist, and her head fit perfectly on my shoulder.

With one arm across my lap and the other holding my hand that was around her waist, my free hand found it's way to the side of her face pulling her to face me.

I wanted more than anything to ask her what we were doing, what was going on inside that heart of hers but I was so afraid that if I brought it up, she would laugh in my face and tell me that we were just friends.

So in the end, my heart won the battle and I decided to keep my big mouth shut and just savor these few moments with her.

My fingers tangled in her hair and my thumb caressed her cheek. "Thank you." I whispered before I gave her a tender kiss on the forehead.

I let myself linger and breathed in the smell of her. I gave her a smile and looked back to the fire. We sat there in silence for hours just holding each other.

I could do this every night of my life but I know in the end I will be sitting in the corner watching Harry hold her like I am now.

If I can't be with her for all of eternity I would rather have Harry be with her at least than I know she will always be in my life.

I closed my eyes imagining holding her till the end of time, right here on my couch just watching the fire die.

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Please review!!


	4. One Reason

One Reason

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Warning: There is a mention of a sexual situation in here, It is not very detailed so it should be ok I hope.

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I opened my eyes to bright sun shinning through the window, I reached down to grab my blanket to cover my eyes but I was stopped when I hit something solid.

I looked down to see Hermione sleeping with her arms wrapped around me, sometime during the night we must have laid down on the couch and fell asleep. But what's this? A blanket? Where did that come from? Mum!

She's in the kitchen, but I don't want to move. I can't, this was a dream becoming a reality.

Taking a deep breath and claosing my eyes, my grip tightens on Hermione.

I laid there memorizing her smell, the feel of her skin, the rhythm of her breathing, the way she looked calm and happy, the way her legs tangled themselves with mine and the way her fingers every now and then would lightly brush themselves up and down my back sending shivers throughout my body.

I will never forget any of this till the day I die. She began to squirm, when she opened her eyes I expected her to instantly get mad and storm away from me, but she didn't.

She looked up at me and let out a sigh and smiled at me.

Then she put her hand up to my face, "Morning," she said as she brushed the hair out of my eyes.

"Morning." I said with a large smile.

We laid there for a few short minutes before she got up talking about getting my potion ready.

We bickered about how I was feeling better and my fever gone, but in the end she won.

As she got up and left me sitting on the couch my mind reeling about our night on the couch, I decided to go help my mother in the kitchen and thank her for not waking us up when she put the blanket on us.

"Good morning Ronald! Are you feeling better?" my mother asked looking as she pulled biscuits from the oven.

I walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Yes, much better thank you."

I took the biscuits from her and helped her set the table. She never said one word about finding Hermione and I on the couch this morning so I didn't either.

As soon as I was done setting the table, Hermione came in with the potion in hand waiting for me to choke it down.

I sat at the table sipping my medicine, as we waited for everyone else to get up. She sat next to me reading last night's book.

Slowly everyone came in to sit down for breakfast.

Surprisingly Fred and George didn't tear the mickey out of me for Hermione and I being so close in the past few days. The morning went great, we all laughed when Fred and George tried to start a food fight; all in all we had a great morning.

After Breakfast Charlie, Bill and I went outside to de-gnomeing the garden when Ginny came out.

"Hey Ron do wanna come on a picnic with me and Hermione after you get done?"

"Sure Gin I need to get a shower first though. Then I'll be ready." I knew it was strange a 16 year old boy going on a picnic but I didn't care.

Hermione was gonna be there and it was kind of a nice day out.

The next thirty minutes were filled of yanking, and spinning gnomes out of the garden and throwing them as far as I could get them to go, never coming close to where Bill or Charlie could get them to go. I nodded to my eldest brothers and walked into the house.

"Hey Ron you almost ready to go?" Hermione and I ran into each other on the stairwell, God she looked beautiful.

She was wearing a maroon summer dress, her hair in a elegant bun, with some shorter curls falling out in various places, highlighting her face.

"In a few more minutes I need to jump in the shower first then I'll be ready." We parted ways but as she was walking away I couldn't help myself I just had to watch her glide down the stairs with as much grace and dignity as the queen herself would.

I went and got a clean sweater and some pants from my room, double checked I had my wand and went to take my shower.

After I finished my shower I got out and dried off, put my pants on, put the concealment charm on, took out my razor and shaving cream shaved my face, but as I shaving I saw something staring back at me, something I recognized but always pushed away and ignored.

I saw the scars, the pain and the ugliness. I saw the nothing of a boy that stared back at me.

The boy in the mirror was not only my reflection but my truth, my reality. I

t reminded me no matter how many spells I knew, no matter how well I did in quidditch, no matter what I do I will never be good enough, not only for Hermione but my family as well.

I had been trying to run away from this boy but I know no matter how far or how fast I run, he will always be right there. Tears welled in my eyes as the realization hit me head on.

"You are stupid, you are worthless, you are nothing. You are a miserable failure, a piece of shit." I whispered to myself. "Right foul git. Useless, ignorant." I decided I couldn't hold back any longer I needed to cutt now; I needed to throw up right now.

"Ron you about ready?" I heard Hermione scream up the stairs.

I took a deep quavering breath to steady my voice before responding.

"Yea a few more minutes." I wiped my eyes, splashed some water on my face before looking back into the mirror.

I cast the charm on my body covering my true self, in hopes of living a daydream for a few more hours before having to face the harsh reality of life.

I took one last look at myself and felt a lurch in my stomach, I threw up and came to the point of passing out, I couldn't go with her; I was only setting myself up for heartache.

It was a ridiculous thought for me to believe that Hermione liked me more than a friend, just the thought of how I had been acting with her these past few days made me sicker and I continued to throw up.

"Ron? Are you alright? I am coming in!" I threw up again, my stomach hurt, my body ached and my heart felt raw.

My hands began to shake and when her hand touched my back I jumped, not because of her touching me but because of the sudden contact.

The sudden contact I was used to but it has never been friendly, so in turn I am now real jumpy.

There is something in my past that I am more ashamed of than anything in my life of what has been or what will be.

It happened 2 years ago, I was waiting for Hermione outside the hospital wing, and Harry was once again the newest admittance to the infirmary, that was when it all started.

I was sitting there minding my own business waiting on her, as always, when I heard someone behind me.

I turned around expecting a bushy head of beautiful curls instead I see a sleek blond boy.

Draco Malfoy, he punched me square in the jaw, knocked me out cold.

When I woke up he was standing over me, laughing.

I will spare you of the details but in the end I ended up agreeing to be Draco's sex slave in order for him not to pursue Hermione.

_"Ronald…. If you don't do this I will take Hermione and she will get worse treatment than you. I will torture her and eventually kill her… Come on Ronald think of your precious mud blood." Draco lulled, I got up and punched him one time but he grabbed me by the hair and hit me in my stomach. _

_"You will leave Hermione alone." He lifted my head to look him in the eyes, _

_"So you agree Ronald? You will sacrifice yourself for her? You really do love her don't you?" he kissed me full on the mouth signifying our agreement. _

My stomach lurked at the memory, I puked again.

Hermione sat there with me holding my hair back, rubbing my back.

When I finally stopped puking Hermione took me by the hand and led me back to my bed.

"I am going to get your mother, I think we need to go to St. Mungo's." I tried to stop her but she was already gone.

What am I going to do, I can't let anyone see me like this, they will lock me up for sure.

I would be in a bed in St. Mungo's next to Professor Lockhart.

So I did the only thing I could do I grabbed my broom and snuck out my window.

I climbed to the roof and concentrated on the forest of Dean, where the Quidditch world cup was held a few years ago. I made my first successful apparation .

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I know I will get a few angry people because of the whole Ron and Draco thing and that's cool. I don't like the idea either but I have to have something in here like this for the rest of the story to work out. So please remember I will make this right.

Please Review and make my day.


	5. Rain Pour Down On Me

Disclaimer: I dream about owning them but I can't so here I can at least borrow for a few seconds and then give them back!

Warning: This chapter has a detailed discription of Self Injury and strong emotions, please be safe reading this.

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I landed safely. The first thing on my mind was to check to see if I had splinched myself, than I looked for a place to sit in some shade so I could figure out just what exactly what to do now.

" I ran away, well I am not going back. I can't go to St. Mungo's. If I go there they will find out what I do." I thought to myself.

There was a bunch of trees up ahead and if I remember right I think there is a log just perfect for sitting and thinking. At least it was pretty decent out, perfect weather to get some much needed running in. So I ran, I ran to the trees and passed up the log.

I made a path to follow in a circle around the trees, five laps in I saw a pretty steep hill, I think would be good to push myself harder. I trudged up and down that damned hill seventeen times, the same path each way, so where the hell did that bloody branch come from?

I tripped over that branch and split my head open on a rock, scraped my knee and hands. That was when I tasted the blood, it flowed from the cut on my head.

Now I needed blood, I needed to cut open my own skin on purpose. I was not thinking when I left so fast so I didn't bring any tools with me, I franticly searched the ground for anything that I could use to cut.

A rock and a stick what the hell am I going to do with that shit. Nothing. The frustration grew in my chest, I needed the release, I needed to punish myself. I just had to, I ran away, from home form my family and Hermione. Who in their right mind would leave her. I just had to cutt, let my blood flow.

A picture of Hermione looking for me and getting angry at me, maybe worrying about me and that is stretching it. I doubt she would worry about me, not after leaving her like that.

That was what made my mind up I had to do something even if it meant getting caught. I started to walk back to the spot I came in at but then it hit me, my routine.

I could hit the trees! Nature would help me today, none the less I still wanted my knife.

I wanted to feel the cold steel drag across my wrist but until I could get to a knife this would have to do.

I close my eyes and imagine what Hermione's reaction would be if I told her that I loved her, in my mind she laughs and tells me to look in the mirror and tell me why she would ever date me.

I had a nightmare weeks ago and in it that was what she had said to me, than she jumped on Harry and kissed him passionately that was how her reaction would be no matter how much I trained. I decided that weeks ago even with Hermione's sudden change, I know in my heart of hearts that she deserved better than me.

I also had a dream a few years ago that she confessed to me that she loved me but I knew that I would never be able to give her all the things she deserves and needs so I left her standing there under the big oak overlooking the black lake.

Yes, yes I know you must be getting tired of my pity party but I am going to tell you that the girl of my dreams deserves better than that, than me. I am clumsy and stupid, she is coordinated and smart, she is breathtakingly beautiful, and I am a tall lanky grotesque pile of shit.

With her laugh echoing in my ears I picked my target with tears brimming in my eyes. I walked to the biggest roughest tree in my sight and let my blood flow, let my bones crack and break, let my aggression run wild.

I let myself scream, and cry and cuss. I let out ever raw emotion I had, the weight on my shoulders getting lighter with every ounce of blood spilt.

Soon my emotions got the best of me and I fell to my knees hugging them to my chest. I could feel Draco's hand caress my face the way only a lover should, I could hear his heartbeat, smell his sweat and see his face when he hit me.

I struggled the first few times but when he put a potion in Hermione's drink two months after our agreement, I became submissive. I did anything he wanted anything he wanted however he wanted it.

I fought and struggled and read books trying to get out of this I even thought of going to Dumbledore but I came to the conclusion that he would take Hermione and hurt her, I could not risk that. Never. Even when I did what he asked he still hit me.

I would leave Draco with bruises and cuts all over but each time I got back I would tell anyone who asked that I had fallen off my broomstick.

I cower now hearing the sounds of the trees swaying in the wind. A storm was on its way here, the clouds darkened and the wind rose and the smell of rain was in the air. I rolled over to get up off the ground when I felt something bulge in my jeans.

I stood up and reached in, when to my surprise I found my treasure I had needed this whole time. My knife.

I opened it and became entranced by its glory. It shinned at me, inviting me to use it.

The thunder struck and lightning streamed through the air. A drop of rain hit my hand, it mixed with my blood and it teemed a line down my arm, blood and rain. My two favorite escapes.

I looked up into the sky, waiting for the rain.

It spit at me, spit its disgust at me. I spread my arms wide and spun loosing my balance. I caught myself, the rain had caught me off guard, it washed away my blood, it eased my pain.

I walked over to my tree, and leaned against it, sliding down it's trunk, sitting there watching the lightning strike high above me, I stroked my blade.

The lighting slowed its intensity and so did my anger. But the rest of my emotions continued to run my body strong.

I pulled my sleeve of my t shirt up and stiffened, flexed, stretched my skin tight. Within a matter of one swift, heavy move of my blade on my arm blood began to flow, I continued anger and self hatred fueling me.

No longer precise and perfect these were unorganized and ran into each other. My upper arms were covered in my own blood, but I still felt no release, no relief.

I moved down, not caring about anything. My blade guided itself to the middle of my lower arm, I let it free, letting it do what it pleased.

The inside of my elbow became a mutilated piece of meat.

My anger calmed over like the rain and lightning, only two emotions were left running through me now, regret, disappointment. Those hurt the worst.

I brought the blade to my skin slow and made the cutts perfect, I went over them as many times as I could stand it. My wrist I looked at it in wonder.

I thought about it, wondering if I could just stop at a few cutts or if I should just go ahead and end it.

I have cutt close to my wrists before, but always been too scared to go any farther.

I looked at myself, blood flowing down my arms and the blade turned red, sodden in my own blood.

So I stood up and reminded myself of what I had to look forward to in life, a wife? A home? A job? Friends? Family? Children of my own? Did I really have any of that in my future? I could get a job at the ministry, But I doubt they would take me because I never applied myself in my studies, never had the kind of grades they wanted or needed.

What other job could I do? Nothing! If I could not get a good job than I could not have the money that my future wife or children deserved or needed.

I could not provide for my family, I was pacing and remembering all the dreams I had for myself when I was younger.

A beautiful white house in Ottery St. Catchpole. My wife and children waiting for me to come home from work outside our home.

I imagined a little girl with curly brown hair helping her mother in the garden and my two red haired boys playing on their broom sticks. I could see Ginny and Harry with their children.

But those were a boys dreams, not a man's and that's what I needed to be seeing. I needed to live in reality.

Those things were never going to happen, no matter what I did.

My hands went into my hair, tugging at the ends hoping that maybe that would make his mind up for me. But life at this point looked hopeless no matter what way I looked at it.

Tears came to my eyes. I knew what I needed to do, I realized what path I needed.

I was not yet 17 but if I was going to be dead soon I don't think I really would matter if I used magic outside of school. So I pulled my wand out and conjured up a piece of parchment and a quill. There was a stump at the opening of the forest so I went there to write my goodbye. My goodbye to Hermione and my family.

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So I hope that this chapter was ok. I promise next chapter is a good one.

Thank you for taking the time to read this I hope you enjoyed.

Please review!

Love always

Maggie


	6. To Simply PutHermione

To Simply Put...Hermione.

Disclaimer: I do not own any charaters places or any thing of that sort so please do not sue me, i can use every penny i get right now.

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Hermione and Molly came back to Ron's room to find him gone, they looked in the bathroom the other rooms, in the front and back yard, they could not find him. Molly sent Pig to Arthur at the Department of Ministry to watch out for him doing any magic.

"Oh Mrs. Weasley I am so sorry. I knew Ron didn't like the hospital but I never thought he would run away like that. I hope he's ok." Hermione paced his room, looking out the window waiting for a sign of him.

Hermione's thoughts battered her brain. "I knew I was going to run him off. I knew he never wanted me to touch him. Who would? I am nothing but an ugly, fat, bushy haired, good for nothing, whore."

Tears trailed down her cheeks as Hermione looked in her purse for her razorblade. She quickly found it in the seem she tore last summer holiday. She walked to the door and locked it.

Sitting on Ron's bed, she rolled her sleeves up, found a clean place next to her wrist, and made a red river flow in one quick slice. The scars and scabs covered her arms now, she never wanted to make the scars go over each other but she has no choice now.

Her upper arms were out of the question right now, she wanted a quick fix before Mrs. Weasley came back to find her so they could go out and find Ron. Her thighs were a place were she would cut at night when she was home alone or when taking a soak, same with her stomach and back. Those were places she needed to be alone for long periods of time.

Her forearms were covered most for the quick release of it, go in a stall at school, roll up sleeves and slice open some skin wait for it to stop bleeding, go to class. That was the simplicity of it all, the release was more than a quick fix, no it was a release that still left the perfect image for Hermione. It helped her breathe and focus on the task at hand, the assignment, the threats on her and her friend's lives everyday.

She let the blade do all the work, she took it to her wrist again and watched how her skin opened, inviting the blade in, she watched as the blood pearl up and gather into a pool before flowing from the cut and onto her shoe and the floor.

Her eyes closed letting the pain take over her body.

With her eyes closed she took the razor and put it to her wrist not watching but thought of Ron in a tuxedo watching the woman he was about to marry walk down the isle while Hermione sat in the front row watching him glow, and let the anger coarse through her heart.

Her anger brought the razor down hard and fast, not watching nor caring about where it hit and how deep she went, but it hurt worse than normal. The pain scorched her mind and she dropped to the ground, it hurt about as bad as it did to see Ron flirting and falling all over Fleur.

She remembered what his face looked like when she saw him staring at her, and it made her jealous and sad that he would never look at her like that. The images fueled Hermione's fire, she looked up and saw her reflection in Ron's full-length mirror she looked at herself and decided that was not enough even though she could feel the blood seep through her fingers.

She was ashamed of what she had become, 16 years old and resorting to cutting herself to deal with life. Ugly and fat, nowhere near as perfect as everyone thought or wanted to think. The only thing she was good for was Draco's punching bag and doing everyone's homework.

Her reflection was something she never wanted to face again.

She decided her plan of feeling what it would feel like to have Ron love her failed so she has decided that the plan to kill herself would have to just come early. She never pictured it to be this way; she wanted to kill herself in the woods that way no one would have to clean up a mess. But she was in Ron's room and it is already beginning so this will just have to do. She did not want to do this in Molly's house but she just had to.

She could never stand to see that face in the mirror ever again. It disgusted her, made her want to throw up. She had made up her mind she was going to die today, right here in Ron's room. And she was scared.

Hermione took the blade in her hand again and looked at the cut she made and carefully brought the razor back onto it, she made sure it was straight inside the cut and looked back into the mirror, pushing the blade harder, farther into the cutt and pulled with all strength could muster, with every ounce of anger and self hatred she had. The pain was excruciating, she bit her lip to hold the scream in, she tasted the blood in her mouth, the blood was escaping no matter how much pressure she put on it.

In school when she would cut she could always heal it with a simple spell but now she could get caught she was not about to take that chance.

The sounds of footsteps up the stairs came to her ears bringing her to some sense of reality, she gasped and crawled with her knees to the other side of Ron's bed, hiding. The doorknob jiggled leaving Hermione's heart race faster and harder, closing her eyes and holding her breath she sat waiting, scared and bleeding behind Ron's bed. The door squeaked quietly open and the footsteps seized at the door jam.

"Ron?…Hermione?" Charlie Weasley spoke quietly waiting for a response.

When he received none he turned and started to leave. Hermione let the breath she had been holding out with a sudden rush for air. She sucked in another mouth full and held it again, the pain was starting to become so intense that it became harder for her to breathe, to catch a full breathe.

She heard the door shut and the knob click indicating it was safe to come out from her hiding place, she leaned forward and tried to move onto her knees, but her head spun so much that she just laid down on the floor. Hermione did not hear the footsteps at the door or the doorknob turn again, Charlie entered the room again,

"Is this blood?" Charlie bent down and touched the red liquid on the floor of his youngest brother's room; he rubbed it between his fingers and smelled it.

His hand went to the back of his jeans pocket to grab his wand while his eyes darted back and forth Ron's room. That was when he saw the bushy hair sticking out of the corner of Ron's bedside. He got up quickly and went to her side; he turned her over and looked her over, whispering her name.

The hand covering her wrist was red and her arm was almost the same, a small pool of blood was beginning to form on the floor a look of pain and shock was etched on Hermione's face.

"Hermione! What happened?" Charlie whispered as he moved her hand to look at the wound, that was when he found the razorblade, it fell out of her hand when he pulled it up.

The look on his face was one of understanding, he now knew what happened. She did the same thing he had done once, Charlie picked her up and put her on Ron's bed and went into Ron's dresser to grab a shirt.

"Give me your arm Hermione we have to stop the bleeding." He took her arm and wrapped it in Ron's shirt, he looked at the blood all over both of his hands were covered and so was hers, there was a pool and spots all over the floor.

"Stay right here, I have to get some things" Charlie whispered, "Keep the pressure on it, don't let it go. It will all be ok soon. I promise." Charlie got up and walked out the door and locked it.

Charlie snuck down to his mother's kitchen and looked through her books, he found the one he wanted, walked back up the stairs grabbed a few more rags and towels and some water in a washbasin. When he got back to Ron's room Hermione was sobbing on Ron's bed.

She had let the shirt go and was lying on her side wrapping both arms around her stomach. Charlie walked over to the side of Ron's bed and set everything down on the table beside his bed. He sat down gingerly next to Hermione setting a hand on her back, rubbing it soothingly,

"Shh Hermione, it's going to be ok. Shh." he tried to calm her the best he could before he would have to put her in this pain he knew that would have to come. He grabbed the shirt and tried to put it back on her arm but she pushed him away.

"No! No Charlie! Please just go, you don't need to be here! Please just go! I don't want the help please! Please Charlie just let me die, Please!!" She screamed franticly.

She tried to get up, she tried to push him away, and he grabbed her wrists, holding her down.

"NO! Hermione No! I won't leave, I won't let you die!" he held her as best he could, he did not want to hurt her worse that she already was. It took Charlie 15 minutes to calm Hermione down. She turned her head away from him, the anger on her face never faded; she truly hated him right now.

Charlie rolled Hermione back onto her back, took her left arm in his hand and got a rag and rolled it in the water wringing it out he wiped the skin around the wound, he repeated this several times cleaning her hands and his, at last he came to the cut on Hermione's wrist he washed it tentatively inspecting it carefully, making sure this was not beyond his capability.

He put the rag to Hermione's wrist, putting pressure on it again. Charlie had to turn his head the wince on her face made him feel awful having to add more pain to Hermione's but it had to be done, that is what Bill had told him when he found him 6 years ago.

" I am so sorry Hermione but it has to be done." He whispered. Charlie left the room once more but returned quickly, this time with a spool of thread and a needle. Charlie splashed some water on his hands and dried them off, than sat down next to Hermione again.

"Why? Hermione why did you do this? I have seen the way you have been looking at Ron lately this is something I would never have expected." Charlie washed the cut out again, gathered the spool of thread and the needle and set it up.

"Charlie…I don't know what to say. I don't know… I just….I needed it… I can't explain it…I just went to far this time. I want to die. What are you doing with that needle Charlie? Just heal me; you are over 17 you won't get in trouble for healing me." Hermione never looked him in the eyes; the shame washed over her and made her hate herself more. Charlie finished getting everything ready and found the page in the book he needed.

"Hermione, You know of stitches right? Well, I am going to stitch this up." Charlie said looking at the book making sure he had everything he needed and made sure he knew he was going to do this right. "Why Charlie? Why not heal me? It would only take a few seconds compared to that and it would be less painful. Come on Charlie you know I can't do magic. Please Charlie please don't it is going to hurt so bad." Hermione's voice shook with unshed tears, and Charlie froze in place, closing his eyes wanting desperately to give in to Hermione's plea but knew better of it. Bill done this for him he would do the same for Hermione, in the long run Hermione would appreciate this.

"Hermione, listen to me. When I was your age, I was in a bad place for reasons I still am not all sure of. One day Bill and I got in a large fight over him moving to Egypt, I was scared of him leaving. My big brother was leaving me and I was scared. In our fight, we screamed at each other nothing too new but than I told him, I hated him and I wished he was never born. When I went to my room I did the same thing you did, I was on the floor like you bleeding like you, scared like you, but than Bill came in and found me, just like I had found you. Now instead of healing me he did this, put stitches in.

He said that the scar was a more lasting scar this way, that way I would always have a remembrance that someone loved me and cared for me, no matter how much I hated myself. Anytime I needed to remember the reason I was alive was to look at that scar, see the stitch marks, and remember how he stitched me back up after being so broken, he fixed me in a way Hermione and that is what I am going to do now. With this scar comes a friendship and a support system, I hope that you know when you see this scar that you remember that someone loves you and wants you here. I want you here in this life with me and my family until the day that I die.

I want you to be my sister Hermione, I see how much you love my brother and I know how much he loves you. The first time I ever saw you, I knew that you were always going to be here in our family in one way or another. Hermione I do not want to hurt you, I don't, but this is a better reminder and it's a reminder for me too. I will always remember this not because you almost died because you wanted to but because I needed a reason to believe in life and I found it in you. You have renewed my belief in life and now I owe you my life in return. I am going to fix you; I want you to always remember that I suffered with you while I do this, just as Bill did with me. Because Hermione this hurts to have to do this to you." Charlie looked her in the eyes waiting for a response.

"I'm scared Charlie. I understand the meaning behind the stitch but… did it hurt when Bill did it for you?" Her eyes never left his hands threading the needle getting it ready for her.

"Yes it hurt; it was something I never wanted to do again. I think I cut my leg one more time after that and I was terrified I was going to go too far and disappoint Bill that I never did it again. That is what I am really aiming for here, for you to become scared and stop cutting yourself. I can see from all the scars that you have been doing it longer and much more extensively than I did so it will be harder for you and bigger struggle than it was for me, but I am right here and I will help you, no matter what." Tears were falling down her cheeks,

"I am scared Charlie, What if I can't do it? What happens if it becomes too much for me? I have tried to quit before Charlie and I shook and sweated and jittered and was scared and did not sleep for days, I was anxious all the time I went 5 days Charlie, that is not a lot of time. What happens when I try to go six days and I give in? Will you hate me, never talk to me again?" She was shaking and crying, her words were frantic and the nervousness was apparent.

Charlie pulled her into his chest, he remembered that feeling, and it was terrifying he honestly thought he would die without the release.

"No Hermione I won't hate you, I could never hate you. Hermione you might be a wizard but you are human. Life sucks Hermione; it hurts to be alive so in turn we have to find something that makes everything ok to live with. Harry rides his broom, Ron eats, and you cut. We all do things to make life bearable. Sometimes it will get too hard and if you slip up and cut, I will be disappointed but I will never hate you. You are like a sister to me and I love you. God Hermione, I am just as scared as you are. I am scared for you I know the feeling of wanting to die."

Charlie took out his wand and put a silencing charm on the room. He knew this would hurt and as much as he wanted to cast a charm on Hermione to help with the pain he couldn't. He took Hermione's arm and sat in on his leg. Figuring the best angle to go at, he began. He pushed Hermione's cut together hoping that might help but the cut was so deep that the wound barely closed. He held it and looked to Hermione for the go-ahead; she nodded and closed her eyes biting her lip and a deep breath through her nose.

Charlie took the needle, jammed it through both sides of the cut, and pulled the thread through. Charlie continued for the next hour and a half, he messed up several times and had to cut some and redo them. Hermione bled, cried, and wished with all her heart that Ron were there to hold her and love her. Ron. Oh, Ron Where are you? She kept thinking.

Charlie pinched the last bit of the cut preparing to make another stitch, the way he figured there was room for four more stitches, but he was stopped by Hermione screaming his brother's name. He looked up at Hermione not sure what to say, but he stopped.

"Hermione after we get done here I swear we will go look for him, I don't know where to start but we will find him." Charlie threaded the next stitch through Hermione's wrist and finished the last four stitches.

Once Charlie finished with the stitches, he conjured up some bandages. He took the bandages and wrapped them around Hermione's wrist to avoid anything snagging the stitches or getting any dirt in the wound. There was an awkward silence, what ere you supposed to say after someone saves your life and you didn't want them to. She just looked at Charlie, blank. He looked at her desperate for her to be ok, for her not to be mad at him.

"Is there anywhere Ron was happy here in Ottery St. Catchpole? Anywhere Ron liked to go all the time? Maybe he went there." Charlie was siphoning the blood off the floor and he banished the bloody towels and shirts. He sent the water basin and book back to their respectful spots and turned to Hermione.

"No, not that I can think of. The only places I know I have seen that goofy happy smile on his face was anywhere you are and the Quidditch World Cup, the Forest of Dean. That's the only places I can think of." Hermione blushed and overlooked Charlie's comment about her.

Hermione thought back to the World Cup and remembered his goofy smile that he wore, she had not seen it much since Voldemort's return, that was the last place she could remember him being carefree. She thought back to remember his smile and the things that he said to her than, and how protective he was with her when the death eaters came.

"Charlie! That's it! You just found Ron! He is at the Forest of Dean! Come on we have to go see. Where is Molly and Everyone?" Charlie looked at Hermione with shock she didn't remember? The whole family had split up to find Ron, she was downstairs with them but after the family decided, she walked in a daze towards Ron's room.

"They all have split up to find Ron, Hermione love. Come on we will do a side along apparation." Hermione latched onto Charlie,

"Wait!" Hermione shouted. Charlie stopped in his tracks and looked at Hermione wide eyed waiting for her.

"Charlie…I wanted to say thank you…for saving me. I want to thank you for loving and caring for me. Thank you for… fixing me…and not hating me for doing what I did. I'm sorry I wanted to say that too. I don't know what came over me Charlie really. I am so sorry. Please don't tell anyone." She cried into his shoulder. He leaned down and kissed her hair. He lifted her chin to look her in the eyes. She nodded to him and he apperated to the Forest of Dean.

Once Hermione and Charlie landed, they began to walk forward, looking for a fiery red head. Hermione walked a few yard in front of her and to her surprise, she found Ron sitting with his back to her sitting at a stump.

Hermione walked closer to him and as she did, she noticed his arms covered in red. That was when she noticed he was not sitting but slumping over the stump. Hermione's eyes welled with tears and her heart stopped, a few more shaky feet further, she watched him, Charlie ran forward shaking him and checking for a pulse. Ron lifted his head to look at Charlie shock apparent on his face but when he saw Hermione anger flamed his face.

He was angry that he let her see him like this, it just fueled him further. Then when she looked at his wrists her sob came from her, Ron let his unshed tears fall as he went to her. They held each other and cried together, she pulled herself loose from him and took his hands in hers and turned his wrist over to look at them. His cry became harder and Charlie came to their side, Charlie took out his wand and healed all of Ron's cuts except for one. The deepest one, the one on his wrist he would leave that one for Hermione. She let his hands go and put a hand on his face,

"Ron, I love you. I always have always will. And now I am going to show you exactly how much I love you and want you here. I am going to fix that cut for you." Charlie conjured up a spool of thread and a needle. She took it and put it in her pocket.

Ron cried silently looking at Hermione; he put his hand on her face, still in shock. Charlie went to clean the area by the stump to give them some sort of privacy.

"Hermione I can't believe you are here. I'm sorry you had to see this. God Hermione I thought I would never see you again. I love you so much." he broke down in her arms.

She lifted his head off her shoulder and wiped his tears away before kissing him gently. Charlie came behind Ron quietly and put his hand on his back. Ron nearly jumped out of his skin but recovered when he saw it was Charlie.

"Ron are you ready to go home? We need to stitch that up before mum and dad get home. Did you use magic at all Ron? If you did than mum and dad are most likely on their way here. They put a bulletin at the ministry waiting for you to use magic so they could track you." Charlie was looking at the sky apparently waiting for them to appear. Ron's eyes widened,

"Well let's go than Charlie." Charlie put his arms around Ron and Hermione and apperated back to the burrow landing in Ron's room.

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Ok So just let me say this first, I have been working on this chapter for weeks no matter what I do I can seem to make it perfect. I am severly disappointed in this chapter and it is great if you are too. I am soooooo sorry that this one blows. the dialog between Charlie and Hermione is just the worst.

Anyway thanks for taking the time to read this :)

Tea and biscuits for everyone for being here and reading this at this very moment =) Yay!!!

Love always

Maggie


	7. Smiles and Dancing

Disclaimer: Sorry, nope i dont own HP charaters still...alto I have tried to steal them on several accounts the dogs keep biting my ass that are gaurding them. :(

Authors note: Sorry for the late update. My Ex step mother died and than I put my self into work double time. Sorry all but I hope this is ok for a chapter. Please tell me if you would like me to continue with one more chapter with a tad bit of more detail.

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The three of them landed just beyond the Burrow's fence line. Charlie kept ahead of Ron and Hermione, his mind reeling with questions.

What had happened to these kids? Why were they so suicidal? Charlie knew just how much it took to be Harry Potter's best friend, danger all the time, have to be quick, on top of defense against the dark arts as possible, heave to see things that no one should have to see. Seeing Harry depressed and helpless to make it go away, that wears on everyone.

He could understand them cutting themselves to make it all "better" but he could not see why they were so suicidal, at the end of their ropes. Why not come to each other or one of the Weasley's for help? Hermione especially, she is the one he thought was smart enough to know that they were all there for her.

He decided, he would let Ron and Hermione go to his room to talk it out and let Hermione stitch up Ron while he owled his parents than he would have a talk with both of them separately tonight after everyone had gone to sleep.

Charlie Weasley wrote his parents a quick note saying they had found him and were back at home, Charlie rummaged through the laundry looking for clothes for Ron to wear he knew his mother had gone through and took all of Ron's sweaters to have them washed with the intentions to put them away for the rest of summer.

Not a word had been spoken from Ron nor Hermione since they had gotten back. Both had secrets that the other did not know and they both were unsure how to say it. Ron sat back on his bed avoiding Hermione's eyes while Hermione paced back in forth occasionally stopping in front of Ron trying to talk to him about what she had done give him the speech that Charlie had given her.

Hermione's mouth opened and closed several times trying to let out her secret but her throat froze, not a sound would come out. Hermione turned to look out the window and closed her eyes thinking about what Charlie had said to her and knowing the feeling of not wanting to feel so alone in this.

"Ron…" She had finally managed to get out, she kept her eyes trained on the lightning and the rain clouds in the sky.

"Ron… before we do this…I mean stitch this up and your family comes home I need to tell you something…" She turned to look at him.

Her heart seemed to skip a beat in her chest when she saw his eyes staring back at her. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the thread and needle summoned for the bowl of water and rag and sat next to him on his bed. She took his arm and dabbed the cloth on his wound. She looked him in the eyes,

"Ron I have loved you since the day that you saved me from the troll, but in third year when Sirius took you into the Shrieking Shack that was when I knew I was in love with you. I have stood by your side and watched you grow everyday into this man you have become. I have wanted to tell you but I have been scared…terrified if you believe it. I look in the mirror and see this…and I know you deserve better and I would just let it pass…I would suppress my love for you. I have done this for years and now…well just to get right out in the open I did the same thing you did today. Its not just being in love you. I have other things happen to me that I have never told anyone and I will tell you so to make my point clearer. Before I came to Hogwarts not only was I teased for my looks and smarts but my friends brother used to baby-sit me and he did things to me that never should have happened my father is a abusive alcoholic and beats me constantly. I sound so whinny and stupid right now but Ron I could not deal with it anymore."

The tears began to stream down her face and she choked on the sob threatening to escape but she breathed deeply she had to tell Ron everything no matter what. She clipped the thread and began another stitch on his wrist before she continued.

"Ron…I have to tell you something and I am not sure how you are going to take it but I cant hold it in any longer all last term Draco hit me and he did things to me that my friends brother did to me, I am so sorry but I just could not deal with any of this with out you and I know I do not deserve you, not in the slightest so I tried to end my life today, I cut my wrist and Charlie found me and saved me. Please Ron I am so sorry for never telling you any of this I am sorry." She cried harder in his arms he held her to his chest long enough to whisper in Hermione's ear that everything will be ok. She pulled herself up and wiped at her tears before finishing the last stitch on his wrist.

"This stitch, this stitch will always be here the scar will be profound and hopefully it will remind you that someone loves you…it also tells you that not only did you suffer someone suffered with you Ron. It hurt me to do that to you, I shared the pain you were in and I hope that stays with you not as guilt but as a reminder. A reminder that I love you enough that I will always be there to help you to help heal you. See Charlie did it to me." Hermione lifted her sleeve to show Ron the cut that Charlie had stitched for her.

Ron reached over and ran is finger over the stitches than up her arm and softly ran his fingers over the other scars on her arm. Some were neat and carefully planned where she wanted them, others were fierce and deep made out of anger not sadness, some were newer and purple where as others were the same shade of tan as her and old.

He looked up at her and took her other hand in his keeping his eyes on hers he rolled up her other sleeve. He examined them the same way he had the other arm, carefully running his fingertips on her scars feeling the pain she felt, letting the pain soak through his fingers and into his heart. He never knew she did any of this and it effected him in a way that he could not figure out.

He was angry at himself for never seeing the signs, scared that the smartest witch of their school could do this to herself, sad because the girl that he loved more than life itself was in this much pain and never realized it…but there was one other emotion he never felt before well one her never thought he would feel… he felt as if he was not alone. He felt guilty because of it, he felt almost happy to know he was not alone.

Ron looked at Hermione his hand wandered to her face, letting his fingertips gently touch her. They began at her temple and came down to her cheeks where they found a few stray tears and he swept them away. He let his fingertips glide over her lips with a overwhelming feeling of wanting to kiss her.

His eyes followed the path of his fingers to her jaw line and to the misplaced curl in her eyes he pushed it out of her eyes and fell into her hair he loved the feeling of her skin and the soft curls between his fingers, he never wanted to let that go. He closed his eyes and breathed her scent in and tears came to his eyes.

"Hey you two, umm mum and dad will be here soon just thought I would let you know. Ron, Hermione come here I want to do a charm on you so no one will see the cuts. Mum wants to take both of you to St. Mungo's." Charlie entered and stood in the doorway.

Ron stood up at his sudden appearance while Hermione sat on the bed in shock.

"Why me? Did you tell her what happened Charlie?" She stood up next to Ron and he reached behind and took her hand in his.

"No she was just saying that you looked somewhat peaky and skinny. She just wants to make sure you are ok Hermione." Charlie walked up to Hermione and Ron and took his wand out of his pocket and took Hermione by the hand and put his wand on her arm. A warm red glow engulfed her arm when it faded there was a clear arm not one scar visible.

Ron recognized the spell and did his own while Charlie did Hermione's other arm.

"Do you think I should do this to my other ones?" Hermione asked the floor. She could not bring herself to look him in the eyes, she could not handle the look in his eyes.

"Where else are they?" He asked.

"My legs, my back, my stomach…my chest." She played with a stray string on her sleeve.

"Maybe I don't know what all they are all going to check so maybe." Charlie told her how to do the spell and she went to the bathroom.

Hermione came back and Charlie left them alone to talk before his parents came home. Ron was staring out of the window staring at the dark skies waiting for the rain to begin, Hermione stood behind him.

They stood in silence staring at the sky listening to the thunder roll around them and watched the lightning light the sky a majestic purple. Ron turned around and faced Hermione, he put his hand out to her she looked at him not knowing what was going to happen next but she trusted him with her life since the day she met him why not now?

She took his hand in hers and followed him out the door down the stairs into the kitchen and out the back door. The storm was right above them now, she could smell the rain in the air while the thunder rumbled and made her stomach tremble.

Ron led her to the Quidditch pitch his father had made for him and his siblings years ago. The willow was swaying in the breeze that came through St. Ottery Catchpole that was where Ron stopped and held her hand in his.

"What are we doing Ron? The storm is here." Hermione looked back at the sky it was getting darker now, it was right above them now.

"I want to tell you something and no I could not have told you inside Hermione." Ron's eyes sparkled at her.

"I have been in love with you for a long time too Hermione I think we both know that but I have been scared to tell you. Not only because I was scared that you loved someone else or that if I told you, you would just laugh and we could never be friends again. But than I know that you deserve better than me, more than I could give you Hermione. I am not smart I could never get a job that would be able to give you all the things you deserve Hermione. You deserve someone that can give you all the things you need and want, you deserve a guy that is strong and handsom and smart. Not me Hermione, I am none of those things. And as for what you were saying about looking in the mirror seeing "this" I see "this" Hermione." Ron ran his hand down Hermione's side, stroking her face before continuing.

"I see a beautiful girl, I see a smart girl that is going to go places and change things in this world. I see a girl with so much heart that I am sure that you will forgive you father and your friends brother and Draco, I know you Hermione and you have a beautiful heart and I think you are beautiful. You deserve someone just like that, you deserve someone like Harry or Dean." Ron reached up and wiped at her tears.

"I have some secrets too Hermione and I want to tell you them. This is my sanctuary Hermione, I come here every night and run 40 laps around the pitch and I cutt and everything, this is where I come to get my mind off of everything and remind myself that you deserve better. At first this place was a place for me to get in shape, maybe become stronger for you, maybe get good enough at Quidditch that I might one day play for the Cannons and have enough money for you to have the world if you wanted it." they had walked to the middle of the pitch Ron looked up at the sky contemplating his next words.

"Hermione…Draco…I am so sorry. It's my fault. I defied him once and he told me he would come after you." Ron had a few tears coming down his face which Hermione swept them away letting her hand linger on his face. He opened his eyes to see Hermione looking at him with a curious look on her face.

Ron let go of her hand and turned around and walked a few feet away from her, he felt her hand on his shoulder so he took a deep breath before continuing what he had intended to do.

"Draco… has been hurting me Hermione. Once a week is normal but sometimes he takes me a few more times a week. He wanted you Hermione so I did what he wanted. I am so sorry that he hurt you. Its all my fault, I fought him a few times and he told me he would get to you soon. I wish I would have just…I don't know what I wished I would have done but all the same I wished I would have done it 'Mione I am so sorry. I will not fight him anymore. I wont let him hurt you again I promise." Hermione walked in front of Ron to look him in the eyes.

"Ron please I love you. We will find a way to make him stop hurting us both. I am sorry that you had to get hurt Ron. We will figure it out Ron I promise." Her hands were on his cheeks holding his head up so she could look him in the eyes.

"Ron I love you. I don't want anyone else I want you Ron, I love you so much Ron, please tell me you love me too and we can be together. I want nothing in this world but you." Hermione stared at his blue eyes waiting for an answer after they both had let themselves be so vulnerable and open with each other.

The Thunder rolled and the lightning streaked the sky Ron closed his eyes and let his unshed tears fall. A raindrop fell and landed on Hermione's face a few more while Ron stayed silent. Hermione's heart quickened thinking he would reject her. A deep breath came from Ron and he looked up at the sky letting the rain smother him.

"Dance with me?" He looked at her while taking her hand.

"Here? In the rain?" She smiled at him. "There's no music Ron." He began humming a tune he had heard at King's Cross.

"Please Hermione." Ron smiled at her, making her knees weak and he heart melt, by now the rain had began to come down in sheets drenching them both to the bone.

Ron hummed the tune again and put his other hand on the small of Hermione's back putting the other hand high in the air with Hermione's hand still in his. A tear fell from the corner of his eye it went unnoticed with the rain mixing with it.

They began to dance together letting the rain wash away all the worries and the memories of not being together.

Hermione's wild bushy hair was now straight and down past her shoulders rain dripping off the ends. A smile slowly came to her face when he spun her around their eyes never leaving each other's he caught her and brought her to his chest her hand laying over his heart, she could feel every beat.

He was nervous having her so close to him and not knowing what to do next but he never let go and never stopped looking in her eyes a small smile broke over his face watching her feeling her in his arms and she wanted to be there amazed him. The song he hummed became louder as he spun her again and they danced closer and slower.

"I love you Hermione, I want to hold you forever, you are all I will ever need, you are my life the truest friend I have ever known, you are my world, all of my dreams, my reality and my fantasy I love everything you are." Ron whispered in her ear the chorus of the song he hummed. When he looked back at her he smiled wider than had ever seen and giggled

"What was that Mr. Weasley? I didn't quiet hear you. Say that again." she smiled at him and Ron smiled and laughed with her.

"I love you I said." he had said a little louder, she giggled again.

"I'm sorry? I didn't hear that." he had caught on by now. He backed away a little keeping his grip on her and tilting his head up to the sky letting the rain engulf him,

"I love you Hermione Jean Granger. I love you." he screamed it at the top of his lungs for the whole world to hear. He looked back at Hermione and spun her around again and she giggled the giggle that made him love her just so much more.

She copied him and tilted back holding on the Ron to keep her up. "I love you Ronald Bilius Weasley. I love you." together they laughed.

Ron leaned down and caught her off guard, he brushed his lips against hers and took a breath their hearts pounding out of their chests and their breath quickened.

Ron leaned down and kissed her again this time putting all the emotion he could into the kiss, trying to tell her he loved her more than his own life. His hand went to her hair, entangling itself in the strands of brown wet curls, her hands lulled his back. He hugged her to him intensifying the kiss pulling her into his arms more than could possibly be imagined, she jumped into his arms putting her arms around his neck and his arms went under her so she would not fall as her legs wrapped around his waist, he twirled in the rain dancing with her.

Soaking in the rain and the kiss and the feeling of her lips on his this was the moment in his life he would always look back on and always remember that at one time in his life he was king of the world and nothing could ever take that from him.

When she had to pull away for breather, they just looked at each other and smiled. She slid back to the ground and kissed him again running her hand through his hair.

A small giggle escaped her lips before she turned around at the sound of Mrs. Weasley behind them crying.

"I am so happy that you two have finally seen what the rest of us have been seeing for the past 5 years. Now come on you two lets get you to St. Mungo's if their was nothing wrong with you before I am sure there is now dancing in the rain like this." Mr. Weasley kissed Hermione on the cheek before she turned around and headed towards the house.

Hermione watched as Molly headed for the house and squeezed Ron's hand before looking at him.

"You are perfect and I am so sorry I never plucked up the courage to tell you this before but I guess that this was when we both needed to know huh? Dancing in the rain? I never really thought about it before but I think it has to be the most romantic thing I have ever heard of, I am so glad that you did that Ron, it was amazing. Thank you." She got on her tip toes and kissed him again.

He could feel her smile grow in their kiss. She giggled as he began to kiss her neck,

"I bet you can't catch me Ronald." Hermione exclaimed and began to run towards the Burrow with Ron not far behind her laughing and smiling. He relaized how much he had missed smiling in that moment.

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Well what did yall think? I hope it was ok. Well if you would like to have more detail on Ron and Hermione going to St. Mungo's let me know I would be happy to write some more.

Still running low on ideas for stories please if you have any put it in the review or you could send me a message. Would love it might even bake some smores or anything you want.

Please review after the past few weeks I have had I could really use the encouragement to continue writing.

Love always

Maggie


	8. The Truth

Disclaimer: Do not own Ron, Hermione or anything else you reconize in this story.

The Truth.

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Hermione and Ron walked into the Burrow, water dripping from their hair and clothes, laughing and hold hands.

Their smiles brightened Charlie, he was sure that they were not going to see either of them smile for weeks, so when he saw the display that Ron and Hermione had put on for them his heart lightened and a smile came to his lips.

He had never seen that side of his youngest brother before, Dancing in the rain?

Where in the world did he ever come up with that?

Ron never ceased to amaze those around him, he might not be the smartest wizard, or the best in potions or transfiguration.

Ron might not have been perfect in Quidditch or in common sense when it came to girls but what he was smart at was being careful loyal to his friends, quick on his feet with excuses.

What Ron Weasley was best in was loving his friends and family without fail.

What he was perfect in was making a smile come to everyone's face when they were down, no not like George and Fred but in his own way, in letting them know they were special in their own way, letting them know that without a doubt they were not the only ones scared witless.

No Ron Weasley was special but he never knew it, Charlie could see that in his eyes when his parents was praising his siblings for something, he could see it in the way he held himself that when his siblings praised their friends for something he was disappointed, but what Charlie now knew was that no one ever praised him for his specialties.

Loyalty, love, courage, selfless acts of sacrificing himself for the ones he loved.

In Charlie's mind that was far better than being a curse breaker or good with dangerous animals being jokesters or the best in books and hexes.

Charlie could only hope that someone would tell Ron that soon, and Hermione.

Oh sure Hermione knew that she was smart and quick on her feet she knew her strengths that she offered for the trio but Charlie got he impression that she did not believe in herself, she did not believe she was pretty or wanted, and he was sure that she thought no one noticed her for her, noticed her as being a girl.

Her parents, though she knew they loved her, they never spared time for her.

They were always busy with work and conventions and fund raising parties they rarely had time for Hermione and as much as a teenage does not want to admit that they need their parents, Hermione did.

Her being a witch never confused or scared them of Hermione but it helped build a wall, her parents could never fully understand the wizarding world that she loved so dearly, so in turn they never fully understood Hermione.

The Weasley had met with Hermione's parents a few times during Diagon Alley trips and dropping their children off at King's Cross, they had discussed Hermione and the discussion always ended up Mrs. Weasley telling The Grangers about their daughter.

What she loved, what was scaring her, what she discovered in her new world and the Granger's always told Mrs. Weasley to pick their daughter up for holidays.

Molly could tell the relationship between the Grangers and their daughter was beginning to slip into nothing.

At first Hermione went home for the holidays but more and more often she would go to the Burrow with the rest of Weasley children.

How Charlie Thanked Merlin for His parents, they were so caring and took in Hermione as their own.

They never treated her as a guest in their home they treated her like their own.

Gave her chores, sent her to her room when she was in trouble (which was not very often,) and in third year of Hogwarts she was introduced into the family properly, Molly had made Hermione a Weasley sweater for Christmas.

Charlie was there and watched Hermione tear up and gave his parents hugs and a kiss on the cheek as she threw on the sweater, and when they planned a vacation for the family they always planned on Hermione being with them, as if it were natural to have her their, never the question of "Is Hermione going to be here for the summer?" never crossed their minds she just was there.

Hermione knew that the Weasleys loved her and would never turn her away for anything but she still felt like she needed to be more for them, never let them down.

She would push herself in her studies, in everything she did really, to prove herself worthy of their love and acceptance. Everyone saw how much she pushed herself, sometimes to the point of exhaustion.

George and Fred when Charlie would write them he always asked "How are the kids?" They always responded with Ron and Hermione are not together yet and Hermione is falling asleep in the common room.

This past year their responses worried him some more and more often they commented on Ron not eating as much, not smiling as much, sleeping all the time and being jumpy at the smallest noise and their comments on Hermione were almost the same as in each letter but for some reason the twins became more worried for her.

Hermione would have bags under her eyes as if someone had hit her and her skin was hanging on her bones. _"Don't worry Charlie we will take care of them, and we will make sure they eat every bite of food in site before we go home for the holidays." _George Had wrote in one of the letters he had received before Easter holidays this year.

When Fred and George described Ron and Hermione's appearance he wrote to Harry and Ginny making sure that the twins were not exaggerating, when he received conformation that they both looked as if "Death was at their door" as Harry had put it.

Charlie wrote to his parents to warn them that Ron and Hermione looked so bad, that they might need some help with finding out what was going on.

Charlie wrote Bill and Percy to tell them to come home, that they would need some help. Ginny and Harry had told them that both Ron and Hermione were acting strange and having nightmares, that they both were jumpy and acted afraid to be in their own skin.

"Well you two," Molly started trying to act mad but if you looked close enough you could see a sparkle in her eyes and a smile trying to creep to her face, "Get upstairs and get some dry clothes on before we go to St. Mungo's. Both of you need a good looking at." Molly told them.

"Both of you look as if you haven't eaten all term! Pale and skinny, peaky!" She muttered as they walked by her out the kitchen door and up the stairs.

Ron and Hermione walked up the stairs hand in hand till they got to Ginny's door. Ron stopped at Ginny's door intending on waiting on her before going to his own room.

Hermione stood on her tip toes and kissed Ron on her cheek so softly that he barely felt it but when she set herself down and taken her hand away Ron felt so cold and lost.

She turned to go into her room to change, before she could turn the knob the whole way he grabbed her hand took a step forward, putting his arm around her waist in a smooth motion he lent down and captured her lips in a kiss, soft slow and sensual.

He was engrossed in her touch, the world around him no longer moved.

He broke from her, kissed her forehead and turned to go to his room and change.

"What's going to happen at St. Mungo's Ron?" She called after him she had said it so quietly almost afraid of the answer.

Ron had never really seen this side of her till today he was still new to it.

He turned slowly and thought about her question. _What is going to happen? _he thought.

He walked back to her and took her hands.

"Well it depends on you love. If you want to tell the truth we can, I will tell them for you, Or we can live a lie and just tell them we have been studying too much and with our N.E.W.T.S coming up it just put a little added stress onto us." she looked up at him, tears sparkling in her eyes her breath caught in her throat.

"I don't know what to do Ron." she gave him a weak smile.

"Well Mum is going to tan our hides if we don't hurry and change. Why don't you think of what to do while we get changed ok Hermione?" she nodded and gave his hand a squeeze.

He leaned down and gave her a kiss on her cheek than headed back up the stairs.

Minutes went by and Ron thought of everything that had happened that day.

It seemed surreal to Ron that just a few hours ago he was going to take his own life, he was closer than he had ever been and than as if by some miracle Hermione had found him and saved him.

He was still sad, and scared he still did not know what he was doing or if being saved was something that should have happened, sure he had Hermione but really the same question he had been asking himself for years still hung in his mind.

_Do I deserve her? _

No matter what she had told him, he still felt the question linger in his mind.

Before the question had time to linger and tear a hole in his soul again a knock was sounded on the door.

"Ronald! Come on dear lets get to St. Mungo's" Molly called into the door.

Ron had finished getting dressed a while ago but was lost in his thoughts trying to determine what was reality and what was just a dream.

He walked to the door and opened it to his mother. She had looked she had aged ten years since last night, he instantly felt sorry for making her worry.

"Oh… well son let's go, you are looking more pale to me." she reached up and put her hand on the side of his face, tears brimming her eyes.

"Oh mum don't cry." Ron whispered pulling her into a hug.

They did not speak, they held each other and Molly cried. When they heard the door to Ginny's room open and close they pulled apart and walked down to the kitchen together.

Hermione was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for Ron. She looked pale and had bags under her eyes she looked horrible.

But in Ron's eyes she would always be the beautiful, awkward girl that he loved more than life itself.

She took his hand and Molly continued to the kitchen.

"Let's tell the truth Ron. I don't know if I could live a lie." Hermione said, she had put on a brave face for Ron, but he could feel her tremble.

Ron understood he really did so he nodded his head in agreement and bent over to kiss her head and turned to lead her into the kitchen.

Charlie gave them a knowing smile and held out the bowl of Floo powder to his youngest brother. Ron took a hand full and watched his mother and father step into the fireplace before shouting "St. Mungo's," Ron smiled at Charlie and repeated his parents actions with Hermione's hand tightly in his own.

They arrived at St. Mungo's and went to the front desk where his parents were checking them in.

That was when it hit Ron what they were going to do, he was going to tell a stranger and his parents how much he despised being alive and Hermione was going to do the same.

He squeezed Hermione's hand tightly when the realization hit him, he did not want to admit it but he was scared and he wanted to back out of their agreement.

Hermione tried harder to reassure him that they were doing the right thing, a squeeze on his hand and a smile from her Ron calmed down just a little bit.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley walked to the chairs in the waiting room with Ron and Hermione right behind them.

They sat scared and nervous, Ron thinking of what he would want to say to them, how much he wanted to reveal.

Should he tell them about Draco? Should he tell them about his attempted suicides. Ron looked at Hermione he could tell the same questions were floating around in her brain.

"Ron Weasley!" A older woman called for him, panic ran through him for a split second.

_We aren't going to be together?_

Hermione noticed and gave him a smile before he stood up and walked to the woman his father behind him. The woman that he fallowed into a small room was looking at Ron's chart, leaning against a counter.

"Hmm Mister Weasley let's just get a few vitals and than we will see what's wrong with you." Ron gave her a weak smile before looking at his father. Arthur noticed how nervous his son was and gave him a pat on the back.

The nurse took his vitals and wrote everything down on his chart before turning around giving Ron a smile and walking out of the room.

"Dad? Can I tell you something before the doctor comes in?" He stared at his shoes, they dangled a few inches form the floor.

Arthur looked at his son, "Sure son." He put a hand on Ron's back making Ron jump slightly and his face winced in pain.

"I don't know how to tell you this dad but Hermione and I talked about it and we are going to tell the truth and I just want you to know before I tell it to the doctor." Arthur was getting worried.

Truth? What truth was he talking about? "Talk to me son." he whispered.

Ron stood up and paced around the room before stopping in front of the window focusing on the trees swaying in the breeze watching a few leaves falling slowly to the ground.

"Dad…God where do I start? Well I am sick, just not the way you and mum think. I made myself sick Dad. I have been not eating on purpose and today I tried to kill myself. Hermione and Charlie found me. Draco has been…. God dad I want to tell you so bad. I just can't!" Ron sobbed and screamed through gritted teeth.

Arthur watched his son. He had never seen the torment that his son had, it scared him.

"Son! Ron, tell me what happened! What is wrong Ron?" Arthur wrapped his arms around his son, holding him up.

"Draco touched me dad! He made me do things I didn't want to do. I had to dad, he was going to kill Hermione if I didn't. Dad he raped me!"

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Thanks yall for reading and if you felt compeled to review, thank you for that as well.

Well I was going to end the story with this chapter but I think one more is in order. so keep an eye out for the last chapter!

Love always

Maggie Ann


	9. St Mungo's

Disclaimer: I dont own so dont be mean and try to sue me.

I think this is the worst chapter i have ever written but yea I just could nt think of anyhting else to do or say!

* * *

Arthur held his son as he fellto the floor, his knees no longer willing to hold him up.

"What happened Ron? When? Talk to me please!?" They had been standing together for what seemed to be years when it had only been fifteen minutes.

"Draco told me that if I didn't do what he said he would kill Hermione, Dad. He said he would rape her and then kill her.... I had to do it, Dad! I couldn't let him hurt her!" Ron cried.... he had to make him understand.

"I was so scared and confused Dad. I don't know what I'm doing. I am so sorry for never telling you, I was just so scared that he would kill Hermione or me and then her. I am so sorry Dad.' he continued.

"Son listen to me!" Arthur begged of Ron. "Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. You are going to be ok, you are safe now son and so is Hermione. You did your job, you protected her." Arthur tried to sooth him.

"That's where your wrong Dad, he still got to her." Ron confessed, he whispered to his dad staring at a piece of lint on the floor, too ashamed to look his father in the eye.

"He got to her. He raped her too, he beat her too, he tormented her too. I never knew. He hurt her too Dad, I couldn't stop him!" Arthur was silent for a few moments shedding silent tears for Ron and Hermione's innocence being torn for them so viciously.

"Son everything is going to be ok, she is going to be ok. I promise." Ron tore himself from his dad, scared to tell him anymore.

"No Dad she's not ok…and neither am I." Ron took a few steps back, away from his father.

"Ron? Talk to me son." Arthur took a step closer to his son only to see him flinch, Arthur stood back and stared at his son, scared of what he was going to say.

"She…I…I don't know how to say this Dad." Ron took a deep breath. "I have been so depressed Dad, when I left today it wasn't because I was scared of the healers Dad. I left to kill myself."

Arthur stopped moving towards his son, he could not believe what he just said. He was not angry at his son but he was scared for him, almost of him. How could he just throw away such a precious gift such as life? He would never be angry with Ron for this, he know what it feels like to want to give up, he had lived through the war fifteen years ago. It scared him that his son was at such of a loss for what to do next, that Ron was so scared and hurt he had never came to him to tell him about Draco, about everything. "Ron, it's going to be ok. I am right here." Arthur could not stand it any longer he needed to hold his son, to make sure Ron understood that he would be there for him, hold him up when he was afraid of falling.

"Dad, please don't be mad." Arthur reached his hand up tangling his fingers in his sons hair, "Oh Ron I am not mad, never mad. I am just scared, I am scared that you will got o far one day and actually kill yourself Ron. I don't want you to die, everything will be ok I promise I am right here and we will take care of Malfoy. Hermione will be ok too I promise, we will take care of her." Ron stopped crying and back away from his father, shock, fear, anger, sadness.... the emotions unclear on his face.

"She is not ok Dad. We have to be there for her more than me, Dad! Promise me that you will take care of her!? She can't take it! She almost died today if it weren't for Charlie! Dad! We have to protect her." Ron's voice shook, he was angry and scared.

Arthur was more concerned than he had ever been in his life, he didn't know what Ron was saying, he wanted to know what he was feeling... the look he was giving him was just a bunch of mixed emotions and Arthur couldn't decipher what was which, what one was the one he felt the most. Before Arthur could linger on his son's sudden mixed emotions the healer knocked on the door.

* * *

"Hermione dear, what's wrong?" Molly asked seeing the look in Hermione's eyes, the confused, distraught look. Hermione looked up at Molly... shock etched her expression.

"I can always tell when one of my children have something on their minds, and you, my love, have never been very good at hiding it." Molly looked at Hermione chewing on her thumbnail.

"I have something I need to tell you Mrs. Weasley and I am not sure how to tell you. I don't know where to start, I don't know." Molly stared at Hermione quizzically. Hermione Granger, the bright witch of the age, not know what to say or how to say it!? Where to begin..... this deeply worried Molly.

"Well baby, just tell me." Hermione looked down at her feet.

"I'm too scared to Mum." she said quietly.

"Hermione? What's happened? Please tell me." Molly took Hermione into her arms and wrapped her lovingly, whispering into her hair.

"I guess I best just come out and say it. Draco raped me all year last year and I have been depressed..." Molly could not believe the words coming from Hermione's mouth. "I wanted to die Mum." Hermione cried.

* * *

"Well your in for a check up huh? Bit peaky lately....." Healer McIntosh asked Ron.

"Ah yes he has, miss. Been with fever the past few days." Arthur stopped his son form talking.... he would take care of this. McIntosh looked over Ron and gave him some potions to take for the next few days.

"Miss McIntosh," Ron began, but Arthur put a hand on his arm silently telling him that he did not have to talk to her.... that he would, but Ron just gave his father a smile before continuing.

"I was wondering if you could recommend a councilor?" Ron didn't elaborate, he did not feel the need to.

"Why yes I can young man. Has there been something troubling you?" Ron put on a brave face and pushed back his tears.

"Yes miss there has been." McIntosh looked to him, waiting for him to continue.

"Well son, I am a councilor here, if you feel like talking to me."

* * *

"Hermione sweetheart, talk to me. Are you still feeling like you want to die? Why Hermione?" Molly persisted.

"Draco raped me, Mum.... what am I supposed to do!? Be happy? Be carefree?" She asked, somewhat confused and hurt.

"No dear. What you are feeling right now is perfectly understandable. Why didn't you tell anyone?" Hermione looked at Molly for a few moments before answering.

"He told me I could tell everyone, but no body would believe me…and I believed him." Hermione looked so ashamed, she believed every word her abuser ever said to her. _"Filthy mudblood, ugly, stupid, worthless piece of shit. Nobody will ever believe anything you say about me." _The words rang in her ears making her want to rip them off.

"You are going to be alright....We aren't going to let anything happen to you ever again…I promise my love." Molly took Hermione in her arms again, smoothing her curls down her back.

"But you have to promise the next time you feel upset you come to me or anyone of us. I worry about you Hermione. We all love you like you were our own, you know that, please just come to us." Hermione cried into Molly's hair, grasping onto her shirt.

"I tried to kill myself today, Charlie found me and healed me." Hermione whispered into Molly's shoulder.

* * *

"Well…. I don't know. My friend and I promised each other we would tell the truth, that we would talk about what happened." A small tear fell from Ron's eye and Arthur put a hand on his back to comfort his son.

"I have been upset lately.... some things have happened in school and I'm really not to sure if I can handle it to well." Ron stopped, unsure of what else to say.

"Well how have you been handeling it, Ronald?" McIntosh asked, Ron silenty thanking her that she did not ask what had happened to make him so upset.

"Well…" He looked to Arthur he had not gotten the chance to tell him everything he had been doing, Arthur gave him a smile and tightened his hold on Ron's shoulder, urging him to go on.

"I have been running…a lot, I have stopped eating… I have been hitting things, cutting myself… taking potions with the improper amount… having thoughts about…killing myself." Ron looked down at his shoes admitting everything, showing his weakness.... His heart raced waiting for their reactions. Arthur cried, but he knew that Ron had stopped eating... he had just known it... But, everything else... well, that surprised him and to be honest, scared him.

* * *

Hermione and Molly sat together talking in hushed tones, each telling the other about their fears and concerns, comforting each other. A knock on the door made them break for their embraces. A woman around McGonagall's age came in the door, and Hermione got a feeling that she was kind and this woman would not make her feel small in her confession. It was the women's eyes really. They bore into Hermione and gave her a warm smile, Hermione's heart slowed in it's race against truth. Flannigan looked over Hermione, telling her that her mum was worried about her weight loss. Guilt tripled in Hermione, she felt terrible for making Molly worry like she has been.

"Yes ma'am, and I promised that I will start eating regularly again and more healthy." Flannigan looked into Hermione's eyes, studying her.

"Miss Granger, is there something you would like to tell me?" her piercing blue eyes, reminder Hermione of Ron's and she just told herself that she was talking to Ron and everything will be ok.

* * *

"I see young man. Well as I have said I am one of the councilors here at St. Mungo's and I am here to talk freely. I can give you some potions, one to help you sleep, one to help your appetite, and one for depression. If you have been having anxiety attacks I can get you a potion for that as well. Ronald, that is not going to be enough though, you have to talk or let it out in someway, you need a support system, someone to lean on." Ron looked at the woman.

"Thank you ma'am."

"Yes Ma'am there is. The reason I have lost so much weight is…I have been upset lately, I have had a rough year last year and my mum wanted me to get looked at and get on some potions for depression and so do I..... I think it would be good for me." Hermione said rather rushed. Nerves threatened to stop her voice near the end, with her confession that she was scared and needed help. Flannigan knew what had happened just by seeing the look in her eyes, the fear in her voice, the way her fingers shook when she talked, she knew Hermione was ripped of innocence. She never asked Hermione if she wanted to come back another time to have the rest of her check up, she just went to the table and gave her a gown.

"My dear, I promise it will be ok. We will just make sure everything is ok and than we will get you on the way home with your mother. This wont take long and it wont hurt." Hermione dressed quickly and Molly wiped a tear for her cheek as she sat on the table putting her feet into the stirrups.

* * *

Ron was given bottles of potions before stepping back into the lobby.

"I will contact Dumbledore, dear, and let him know... and Poppy." She said as she walked Ron and Arthur out the door.

"I am so proud of you son." Arthur said, chocked up as he pulled his son in for a hug.

* * *

Hermione put her legs down and Molly wiped at her tears flowing down her cheeks.

"You can get dressed dear. I will get you some potions and let you be on your way." Flannigan, sent off the samples she had collected for Hermione with an owl down the hall before going to her cabinet and got several potions down. There were so many, depression, anxiety, sleeping, appetite, then there were the ones for what had happened to her. There were potions to prevent diseases, pregnancy, HIV...etc.....Hermione listened to Flannigan rattle off the instructions to Molly as she drifted back to Ron.... she needed him so much. She felt dirty again and needed a shower... someone to tell her she was clean, someone to love her and hold her.

Molly put a protective arm around Hermione's shoulders guiding her to the door. Hermione opened the door and watched the ground carefully, letting her eyes adjust to the different light in the hall than the exam room.

* * *

"Hermione!" She heard his voice and instantly looked up from the floor, looking for him.

"Ron!" She said equally loud and excited. She left Molly's protective grasp and ran into Ron's.

"Are you ok Hermione?" Ron whispered into her ear as he pulled her against his chest.

"I am now that you're here.... Are you ok?" she asked him in the same way as he asked her.

"I am now that you're here love." He pulled back slightly and gave her a kiss on the forehead, pushing a few curls behind her ears.

* * *

Ok So I know let the flames begin. Thank you to all who have read.

Love always

Maggie Ann


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